February, 2009
In keeping with the tradition of kaddish, I'm going to leave the "Lament" gallery up until next October. That will mark a year since my mother's death. It's been four months...four very long months. I'm working on it.
One thing I keep thinking about in all of this is: "What's important to me now? What do I need to to fulfill the promise I know she saw in me? I'm working on that, too, in my "other" life. I've started submitting my writing to competition(s) again and I'm being more active in pursuing the ideas that have been coming to me more frequently in the last year or so. There's a lot for me to do in so many areas of my life that have lain fallow for so long. Time to get to work, not only to honor the promise but to continue the healing process I started in earnest several years ago. Many emotional barriers kept me from being whole and I have to continue breaking those down. Time to get to work, not only to honor her memory but also to continue making my own life more fulfilling.
Regarding this site, I had more than a couple of moments over the last few months in which I wondered why I was doing this at all. I wondered if it was important for me to continue posting galleries, talking about connections, motivations and how this activity impacts my life. In the face of such a loss, is what I do here relevant to my life as a whole? Why do I put this site together (and update it so infrequently)? I love rope bondage and playing with intense and wonderful people but that alone is not a reason to host a site chronicling those experiences, is it? No. I have to present more of the "why" of my connections, dive deeper into the "how" of them. It's not enough to just present photographic records of my experiences and make some observations. I need to find the truth of the art, of the emotional content, even the broader societal context of what I do here.
Not an easy charge but one well-worth pursuing. We'll see if I can actually make it happen. As always, I remain open to communication, observation, suggestion and question because it all goes helps me continue to define and refine what this site is all about.
*****
A word about social networking sites: I'm not sure. That's three words (four if you count the contraction as two) but I'm a heavy tipper. Seriously, though, I have an account on FetLife but I never go onto the site. I barely use the blog I share with Michele. I've been thinking about opening a Facebook account but I'm not sure what I'd actually do with it. I'll have to give it some serious thought, though, because I kind of like the idea -- just not enough to actually do anything about it yet. Who knows, maybe I'll take the plunge and see what works. I can always shut it down if it gets too annoying.
Namaste,
