November, 2007
There is so much going on in my life and around my life. From doing internal work to taking on rigging for a young art student's photography project to watching world leaders march to madness (including my own New York Senator Schumer's approval of a man who won't admit that torture is torture) to finally trying to bring a long-standing financial problem to an end to resolving various computer and software issues to planning collaborations with Michele and an old friend of hers to trying to figure out my goals for my future, there hasn't been a lot of time for me to work on this site.
I have to admit to myself that I have something of a conundrum at a bit of a crossroads here. I have to figure out how to best achieve my goal of illustrating my journey in rope. The very nature of that journey limits my pool of shooting partners because it is so personal, not only to me but also to my shooting partners. Because of this, I can't do what most of the other bondage sites out there do, i.e. I can't run out and hire models to shoot with. (I couldn't afford it, anyway, since this isn't a pay site and I'm not independently wealthy.) I can't go the places I need to go with someone I don't know beyond the superficial; it takes time, even after a positive initial meeting, to be open enough to display those depths and facets in images.
If nothing else, rigging for the young photography student proved the above to me. Both the shoots I rigged for her were fun but they didn't give me the same charge as I get out of the shoots I do here. I don't think my future lies in being a commercial "guy who ties"; it's too much like the performances I did in the NY fetish club scene. It doesn't give me what I need from bondage. It proves my technical proficiency, and adds a little cash to my wallet but beyond that it doesn't feed the soul of my rope life.
So, what to do? How to accomplish something that is so important but also so limiting in terms of a Web site that needs content? I guess the only thing I can do is to keep meeting people, discovering the common interests and explore the connections as they come. I'll let things take their natural course. I know one thing: if I try to force it, it'll never work out.
And I guess that's a lesson for the rest of my life, too.
Namaste,
