June, 2008

I’ve heard of several incidents in the last few months about the lifestyle and professional BDSM communities (some in the press and some by word of mouth) and I’ve been wondering what if anything I should say about them. I don’t want to gloss over them and pretend that all’s well, nor do I want to take on the role of “scene savior”. Many have used the former tact in the past when bad things have happened in the scene and the latter isn’t why I’m here.

One of my most fervent cautions to people is that what we do in the BDSM scene is dangerous; there’s no getting around that. It doesn’t matter how experienced or prepared we are, things can and will go wrong if we play long and hard enough. I’ve been doing this as a bottom for a while now, since around 2000, and my injury/things gone wrong litany includes: being badly rope burned from a partial suspension, accidentally cut (twice), bad skin abrasions, wrenched joints, nerve compression, coming as near as I ever want to hypothermia and being cut out of a suspension because of an ill co-bottom. As a rope top I always try to prepare myself and my bottom as much as possible – and I’ve been lucky. So many other people aren’t; they’ve suffered much worse pain and injury than I have.

In my opinion, when you play – as a top or a bottom – realizing that you have someone else’s safety in your hands is a good thing; it’s part of the connection between play partners. And, yes, bottoms can help keep their tops safe (but that’s an essay for another time). Safety is everyone’s responsibility in a scene. SSC or RACK…it doesn’t matter to me so long as you’re aware of, and prepare for, Murphy being your co-top or co-bottom at some point.

If you’re a professional or someone who sees professionals (I’ve been there, too in my time), the above holds true for you as well. We all want to have a good time and make the most of our sessions but you can’t do that if your client gets broken or you don’t do what’s necessary to help the pro make the scene go well. Yes, the pro world is a business transaction but doesn’t that mean you want the customer to keep coming back? Tops, professional and lifestyle, should get as much training as possible and keep that training up to date. It’s easier now than ever, considering the number of local BDSM groups and regional and national events with good, knowledgeable presenters these days. Clients, my advice is to make sure, as much as possible, that you’re not seeing someone who’s in her first week – or first six weeks – on the job. If she’s new, spring for the extra money to have a more experienced domme guide her in the session.

I’m sure there are people who would disagree with me but I’m not terribly concerned about that. I’m way too busy being upset by reading about people who wind up a coma, get disfigured, physically and psychologically abused, threatened, mutilated, arrested or killed. Many of us play on the edge. Many of us pay to play. Some of us are paid to play. If we’re not playing safely, however, we can’t come back to get more or give more.

********

It’s been six months since I’ve updated. Part of that delay what I perceived to be a lack of content. Part of that delay is laziness. Part of that delay is scheduling problems and postponements of shoots. Part of that is my taking care of other creative endeavors. A bigger part, though, is looking at what I have to share and seeing that the majority of what I have on tap are galleries of me topping. Of the thirteen sets I have to post, 9 are of me topping and that’s kept me from updating all this time. I guess I was afraid of losing my bottoming cred.

Hmmm. What exactly does that mean? My primary identity had been “rope bottom” for so long that I can only conclude that it’s a fear of change and evolution of this site that’s gotten in my way. I set out to explore my rope life with this site and it occurs to me that rope topping is becoming a bigger part of that life, so there are more galleries and shoots that highlight that change. I guess this is where I seriously embrace my identity as a switch and figure out what that means to me. Food for thought.

Truth be told, though, I have fun with rope no matter which side of the tie I’m on. Here’s to more (my favorite flavor)!

Namaste,

Top